


It's All in a Touch

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Fluff, Frottage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-02
Updated: 2010-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-05 12:51:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/723504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Die's hurt by what the press has to say and Kaoru's being the wrong half of his usual self.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All in a Touch

**Author's Note:**

> For diexkaoru_love Oktoberfest 2010. Post between Oct 1 - 8.  
> Prompt: Bon Jovi "Wanted Dead or Alive"  
> Beta Readers: gothic_hime

Sometimes Die found himself wondering if he was imagining things or if what happened right in front of him was some actual semblance of the truth. Tonight was no different than the other nights that he lay in his bunk after such a night, his legs curled up tight to his chest, long, lean arms wrapped tightly around them. His body shivered as he turned his face more into the pillow, muffling the whimper that he couldn't help but emit.

Things seemed to run so hot and cold between him and Kaoru and there were times he wondered what part of it all was the truth. Sometimes Kaoru would be the man that came to him when he was down, running a hand over his shoulder and giving him a pat on his back, telling him everything would be okay in the morning. But at other times Kaoru was the one who ignored him, who seemed not to see the devastating hurt in his eyes. Tonight Kaoru had been the latter. Die had stood in front of him, his lower lip caught between his teeth to stop the quivering, his body exhausted and his mind reeling with a million hurtful things that he'd overheard about their set that night.

The entire press room had been buzzing with how terrible they thought Dir en grey was and how they thought the long-haired guitarist was trying too hard. Not crying was possibly the hardest thing he'd done tonight and all he'd wanted was that reassuring hand on his shoulder, that little squeeze that told him it would all be okay in the end. But it hadn't come. Kaoru had looked right at him and then brushed past him like he was no one.

The following two hours had been enough of a hell that Die had snuck off on his own, trailing back to the bus and crawling into his bunk to drown his sorrows in a fifth of whiskey and the semi-comfort of the pillow he'd brought from home. The bottle lay empty on the floor by the bunk and still he felt like the world was crushing him, lying heavy on his heart and soul. He knew he'd regret his decision in the morning, but right then he didn't really care.

Rolling over, the world swam a little and he breathed out a heavy sigh, his hand reaching up to touch the photo of the band he had taped to the top of his bunk. Slowly his fingers crawled over Kaoru in the photo, imagining what it would be like if only he could actually touch the other man like this. With a sigh, his hand fell away and he rolled his head to the side, staring at the curtain that divided him from the rest of the bus. He kind of had to piss, but the bathroom seemed too far away, so he didn't bother with even trying to get up. Not yet... maybe later.

Sighing, he ran his hand over his face, realizing he couldn't feel parts of his own body he was so drunk. The smallest of smiles crept over his lips before he hiccupped and then made a face. Another louder hiccup followed the first and he let out a groan as it jostled his stomach.

Before he could even react, the curtain was being drawn back and Kaoru's face appeared. "Sit up, dumbass. You'll puke all over your bunk and I don't feel like cleaning it. Come sit out here and have some water." The curtain stayed open, but Kaoru disappeared from Die's view and he sat there looking very confused for a long moment before swinging his feet over the edge and standing up. For a moment the entire world swam and he clung to the bunk above his, only vaguely realizing he was holding hard onto someone's arm.

A grumble came from the bunk above his and a tattooed hand came out to swat at him. He released what was presumably Kyo's arm, stumbling off toward the couch that Kaoru was currently sitting on, almost falling down beside him. A bottle of water was held out to him and he took it, taking a sip and then just holding it like it would solve all of his problems.

A few minutes of silence rang in the room before Kaoru's hand came to grasp onto his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Die let out a half-bitter laugh. "Didn't you hear them? I'm trying too hard... we suck... not one good thing to say about any of us."

"You take it too hard, Die. Don't let shit like that get you down. They just didn't listen fully. They enjoy superficial, commercial shit if they were talking about us that way. They'd have said the same about anyone else who isn't feeding them mainstream bullshit. You give them too much power... too much control over your life. Do you really think drinking yourself into a stupor is going to help?"

It took a few moments for the words to hit home before Die's head bowed and he shook it a little. "No. I just-"

"You couldn't find what you were looking for from me so you thought the bottle would hold all the answers? Is that what I am to you? A substitute for booze?"

Die's head snapped up and he stared at Kaoru in horror. "No!"

When no more was forthcoming, Kaoru encouraged him a little more. "Then what am I to you?"

There was no hesitation, no gap between the question and the answer. "My bandmate and friend. You're there for me when I'm down... usually... and I'm there for you. Right?"

"Is that all there is to it? You need this hand on your shoulder only because I'm there for you?" He sounded almost skeptical of such a thing... and with good reason, Die supposed.

With a sigh, Die shook his head. "No. But you won't like the rest. No one will."

"Try me." The words were spoken with such confidence that it was hard to disbelieve.

"Sometimes I wish you'd let it go further... that you'd push the line a little more. Sometimes I want a hug and sometimes I want someone beside me at night that wouldn't mind if I wanted comfort in another way." This time he couldn't look at him, not in the least. His head bowed, his long, dark hair falling to obscure his face while he spoke.

For a long moment there was silence and then Kaoru got up. Die winced, shrinking back against the couch, fear that he was about to get punched in the face for saying such a thing filtering through him. But a moment later, the couch dipped on his right side and then on his left. Kaoru's tangy scent filled his nose and a familiar pair of jeans entered his vision as a warm body settled in his lap. Gasping, Die raised his head, staring at the other man with confusion written all over his face.

Kaoru gave him a lopsided grin as he looped his arms around Die's neck. "Is this pushing the line enough for you?"

Die nodded, his wide eyes never leaving that face. Several times he opened his mouth, but nothing came out, the alcohol and the situation combining to leave him rather at a loss for words.

"You're not the only one who desires such comfort... who's afraid to get it from other places." Kaoru shifted even closer, one hand coming to gently lift Die's chin so he could place a warm kiss on his lips. "Did you drink the whole fifth?"

Die felt numb.... like his brain was short-circuiting and this somehow had to be a fantasy he was dreaming up while he was still awake. Or maybe he'd never left that bunk. At the question, he nodded a little.

"Too bad... but we'll see if you've got whiskey dick or not." He chuckled, one hand creeping into Die's hair and pulling his head back, mouth descending on Die's with a hunger that Die had only dreamed of. Their tongues tangled together, writhing in a dance that could only be seen as a prelude to what was coming. Each slow stab of Kaoru's tongue into Die's mouth was met with a low moan from the former redhead.

It wasn't long before they were moving against one another, Kaoru's hard length rubbing over Die's abdomen through the confines of his jeans and the soft material of Die's tank top. A shiver ripped through Die's body as he finally abandoned his water bottle on the table next to them and reached instead for Kaoru's rear end. Kneading the flesh, he slowly eased them over to where he was lying back on the couch with Kaoru over him.

A low rumble of a chuckle left Kaoru. "Mmm... I see how it is... you want me to take you?" he whispered in Die's ear, lips brushing over the shell before his tongue flicked out to lap at the lobe.

Die let out a soft moan, his hips bucking up as a way of response. He didn't want to tell him, but he did want him to know what he desired.

"No no..." he clucked his tongue a bit, "you need to ask for what you want, Die."

He whined a bit and then sighed. "I want you to fuck me," he murmured, blushing something awful.

"Mmm... I don't think so." Kaoru's lips grazed over Die's neck, nosing under his chin to nip lightly at his Adam's apple. "Not tonight." His breath huffed out in a soft laugh. "I may have known you for fourteen years, but I'm not gonna rush into this. Some people say patience is a virtue."

Die let out a quiet sound, shivering. All the same, he nodded. He'd accept that and honestly it made him more comfortable anyway. At least this way, he knew he had to mean something to Kaoru or else he'd just be the cheap fuck of the night.

Kaoru's tongue swiped out over Die's neck, causing gooseflesh to rise over his body. His hand traveled down Die's abdomen to his crotch, lightly rubbing over the tent in the material. "No whiskey dick... impressive." Maybe too impressive, but he didn't comment on that for the time being. Instead, he just continued rubbing at him, marveling at how Die's hips lifted and at the way his breath hitched.

"Please," Die let out, not really sure what he was begging for, only that he needed more than to be groped through his clothing right then. Kaoru's mouth sucked on his neck a bit more forcefully, so close to leaving a bruise for the world to see, but just a step away from it, careful and conscious of what he was doing. Die threaded his hands into Kaoru's hair, tugging him down and smashing their mouths together. He didn't want to miss a moment of this and if he had the opportunity, he'd rather have that mouth on his own.

Kaoru's fingers danced over his pants, fondling until he finally grasped the zipper and tugged it down, quickly freeing Die's belt and the button on his pants. Then came the underwear, pushing them out of the way and fishing out Die's erection. Not even a moment later, he did the same to himself, carefully moving around until he had them pressed against one another. Smirking, he pulled back from the kiss long enough to spit in his hand, bringing it down to their erections, slathering the saliva between them and then grabbing Die's hand. Linking his fingers with Die's own, he guided the other's hand down to their dicks, wrapping both their hands around them with a moan.

Die's back arched as he moaned out in pleasure. He'd never done such a thing, but he was quickly seeing the appeal in it. The way they slid against one another, each shift obvious and arousing. And when their hands came into play, he couldn't help but start to move instantly, guiding the pace, Kaoru letting him do so. He didn't start slow, unable to deal with such a thing at that particular moment. Instead, he worked them to a rather breakneck pace in only a minute or so, his hips jerking and his breath leaving him in panting moans. Kaoru was reacting no differently above him, his face a mask of pure pleasure.

It didn't last long... it had been too long since either of them had had any private time for it to last. Die was the first to fall, his body arching back and the most exquisite look of pleasure coming over his face as he emptied himself over both of their hands, his release slipping down between their erections. Kaoru took over the pace, keeping it at about what it had been before Die came, his hips jerking toward Die a few times before he gave a shout and then stilled, his dick pulsing as he added his warmth to the sticky mess between them.

From the bunks came a muffled grumble and then a grunt. Die stared up at Kaoru for half a second before starting to laugh. Snorting softly, Kaoru shook his head, sitting back and reaching for the tissue box, grabbing two handfuls and shoving one wad at Die, using the other to clean himself up with. "I'm sure we'll pay for that in the morning," he murmured.

Die laughed softly, nodding as he aimed his tissues at the waste bin, tossing them in. "But it's worth it."

Kaoru stared at him for half a second and then laughed. "You're so easy to please." Getting up, he fixed up his pants and then shoved his hands into his pockets, just staring at Die for a long moment. "What am I to you?"

Die gave him a brief confused look and then grinned, fixing his belt buckle. "My bandmate, my friend, and my lover."

"Yeah... that's more like it."

**The End**  



End file.
